Today movers are coming. They will arrive in just short of three hours. After the frenzy of packing and sorting which has consumed us since befor Christmas, I cannot say I am not looking forward to today being over and for our house to be emptied for a few days. Of course, there will be new stresses when the staging furniture arrives on Monday, but for the few days we can breathe in this enormous familiar space and take our time patching walls and disappearing any sign of the rich and eventful life we have had here, I think this will be cathartic.
There was a working bee on Tuesday. Many hands for whom we were so grateful, descended to help with the garden into shape as well as remove crates of goods to be donated and a frightening amount of electronic waste. There were people painting walls and more boxes and bubble wrap being delivered as a response to a very emotional reaction I had whilst disassembling my fathers study.
Dad's study - or his music room as he called it - still feels so much like him. Even my cousin who came to help pack up dad's treasured hi-fi was greatly moved by the time he spent unplugging and wrapping the delicate vintage equipment which Dad started putting together as a system In 1968, the year I was born.
When his favorite people would come to visit, Dad would take them into his room and find the perfect piece of music with which to soundtrack sometimes conspiratorial, mostly convivial conversations and rubbings of the soul. Dad was one who shared his self most generously and openly. He was a beautiful man, and the hardest part of leaving this house is having irrational fear (I know it is) of somehow losing sight of him - he has been dead now, of course, for three years in March. It could be yesterday such is the rawness of my emotion.
Coffee finished, sun coming up,. I need to walk around and put the final dregs into boxes, so there is no confusion for the movers when they arrive.
Wish us luck with this step today. We hope for a smooth transition out of chaos, and into a relative void, if only for a few days...